He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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