when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize