She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What a dumb baby whore.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
