from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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