Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So vagazzling was a success
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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