i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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The police scanner is talking about you again....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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