Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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