Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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