yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize