Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
