i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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