is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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