I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize