You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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