A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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