loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
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I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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