im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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