I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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