I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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