What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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