New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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