If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am mentally ready for anal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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