Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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