Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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