So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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