I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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