Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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