You just made me feel so damn special
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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