i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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