I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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