There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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