Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize