He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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