I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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