this beer tastes like vomit already
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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