i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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