doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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