Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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