did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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