I wish I only lived at night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize