I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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