just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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