shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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