If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize