I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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