if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize