my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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