you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize