i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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