I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just google imaged poop.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize