Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize