the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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